Vermont 2

Chapter 2
While visiting the lush green mountain state a friend's band was playing and we were lucky enough to get on the guest list ( http://hestaprynn.com/ ). We decided to grab dinner and drinks in the downtown section at a quaint Irish pub before dancing our faces off.
All the car bombs in the world could not have prepared me for some of the images that were burned into my mind from Church St. Most people don't sweat in 68 degree weather but I guess when your tits have their own zip code you’re an exception. Lucky for us with the dog tied to our table it kept the sweaty masses far enough away so that we were only forced to visually enjoy their glistening bodies without actually having to smell them.
My personal favorite was an overweight, tattooed man, topless of course, pushing a bicycle (ironic he wasn't actually riding it?). His chest piece depicted a family of gorillas in the jungle including banana's on his miniature arms and leaves accenting his baloney nipples. When I thought it couldn't get any better he turned to talk to his female companion "Greta" and we were instantly taken away by the desert scene tattooed on his back. Complete with a pride of lions and the little jungle boy? WTF?? Renee started begging me to go get my phone out of the car for a snapshot of this travesty but we couldn't remember where the fuck we parked?! So needless to say this endangered beast of a man escaped without being caught on film.
Off to the show after forcing "wu-tang" to track us back to our car!
Once inside the venue we thought we were safe only to come face to face with the best dancers EVER.. Do you remember the movie flash dance? OMG I wanted autographs... My older sister would have felt right at home with all the high knee dancing from 1983! It was only completed by the light show created by the numerous glow sticks being whipped around overhead. Renee and I did our best to keep up (we are pretty old) I bumped into a woman, I think?!, who had the worst wig I have ever seen. It started mid forehead and then erupted into full on, unwashed, unbrushed, dread locked/snarled mess. We were obsessed with her... how did it stay on? She was jamming out and the wig never moved?! Her mother or caretaker was seated directly behind her and would occasionally give her dancing tips.
Finally, Renee pointed out an empty chair so I could rest my poor 31yr old ass. I was psyched that the chair was empty because the venue was packed, but as soon as I sat down I understood why. The chair was directly in front of a special needs person, who proceeded to boo to the beat and spill fruit punch and spit on my arms. We quickly re-treated to the area on the opposite side of the bar where we watched one of the only heterosexual couples suck face for the last two songs and it made me want pink laffy taffy?!
I will leave you with the image of Renee and I stumbling home and attempting to climb into the bed and then seeing that it was fucking crawling with pincher bugs? I guess pincher bugs are better than crabs in a bed right! Vermont….. you disgust me and I love it!!!!