Dehumidifier

I wake up to a note that has a couple of "to-dos" on it.. no big whoop?!
The to do things seemed simple enough. I started with the smallest and worked my way up. The last thing I had to do before my girlfriend got home from work was to take the old dehumidifier out of the basement and put it in the dumpster.
So I go into the basement to retrieve the dehumidifier and it looks small enough? How heavy could this thing be? I looked down at my flip flops and thought, these will probably work. But as I stared at the small square metal box I don't see any handles to pick it up so I was forced to grip the smooth sides of it as best I could and heave it into the air. The fucking thing weighs a metric ton and as I scoot towards the stairs it begins sliding out of my hands. I try to pick up the pace before I loose my grip and of course while climbing the stairs I trip ripping the toe thingy right off my fucking flip flop.
By the time I reach my kitchen, I am wearing my left flip flop like a fucking anklet and sweating, which is not helping me grip this thing. I take another break before dashing towards the door as the dehumidifier again slips through my fingers/palms towards the floor.
I open the front door and look for any neighbors because I am not wearing a bra, I have sweat tracks on my tank top and refuse to take the busted shoe off but know how ridiculous I must look. Coast is clear...
I open the door and shimmy out onto the piping hot concrete. I bolt across the grass and barely make it to the steaming hot asphalt!!!!
Like clock work my neighbor pops out of the woods with her little dog just in time to see my one shoe'd body collapse on top of the "widow maker" as it begins to roll across the pavement. THIS FUCKING THING HAS WHEELS??
The neighbor of course waves and wants to have a talk as I make my way toward the dumpster.
I take a small break to discuss with this fool why my shoe is broken and her telling me how simple flip flops are to fix?
As this dumb bitch continues to drone on about fixing my $2 shoe I notice little grey handles underneath the lip of this fucking monster... HANDLES!!!! UGH>>>
The fury rises as I snatch up the beast and launch it into the dumpster before ripping my flip flops off completely and shoving them in right beside the dehumidifier. I looked at my neighbor and shrugged jiggling my sweaty lady berries in her face.... and say "How's that for simple fix"