ShiTasTic

After starting my diet balls to the wall Saturday I had only been eating bran, protein shakes, fruit and veggies so when I got to work Monday morning with some stomach pains and gas I thought nothing of it.
Around 9am the pains intensified to the point that I was sneaking off to the less used bathroom to pee in case a fart snuck out.
By 11am I had undone my belt at my desk and stopped chatting with co-workers in order to concentrate on not shitting at work...the ultimate no, no for women.
At 1pm I barely made it to the 1st stall in the most used bathroom right outside my office. I was hunched over with my pants to my ankles in a full sweat. I was trying desperately not to shit at work but the pains were so intense! I started getting that weird shiver thing that makes you contort like you have a tick and realizing the end was near I took a huge amount of toilet paper and covered my asshole to muffle the noise!!
It was too late!! My clammy hands were gripping my naked thighs, sweat dripping in my eyes as the shit violently shot out of my ass. I heard the door open to the main hallway and someone come in the bathroom as more gas seeped out like a balloon letting out air followed by the undeniable splatter of diarrhea in the toilet... The footsteps stopped dead and then the same high heeled footsteps double timed it out of the bathroom... I yelled out "sorry" but I doubt she could hear me over the sonic booms!!
I started rocking back and forth trying to work the gas out of my stomach but all it did was cause more velocity to build and turn my asshole into a salad shooter minus the salad.
After a good 1/2 hour of non stop diarrhea I had the mission of trying to wipe up the mess the best I could when your shit is the consistency of warm tar and the toilet paper is like sandpaper. Three rolls of toilet paper later I emerged from the bathroom... pale and unsteady...
I found my boss and barely got the words out as I left an hour early. The 20 minute ride home was done in 1/2 the time because I knew the amount of damage that would be caused if I shit my pants with only a thong on... it would be like flossing or diverting the major chunks while my pants slowly filled with shit.
Made it home and sprinted with my pants undone from my car to the front door... which was locked... at this point every part of my body was sweating (I felt like those girls in horror movies trying to get the keys in the lock before they get murdered) I had nervous keys and was shaking trying to unlock the door...alls well that ends well.. and on a positive note I think I lost five pounds!!