Bush Wacker

Last summer my girlfriend and I bought the bikini wax that was recommended from a friend and veteran waxer. We opened the package, which had NO WARNINGS, heated it up in the microwave and stirred it with the miniature paint stirrer that came with it.
The wax looked creamy and soft. It was not smoking or bubbling and showed no sign of the fact that it was now 1,000 degrees. As Renee splattered the piping hot concoction on my vagina my eyes bulged as I realized that I had made a terrible decision. The scorching hot wax not only burned my vulva, it dried instantly and I could almost smell chicken cooking as my vagina sizzled. Of course I had told Renee to start with the most tender area of my vagina... the part nearest the opening. As she ripped off the wax, hair, skin and part of my labia I quietly begged for a piece of leather to bare down on. I refused to cry out in pain so as not to scare Renee because I wanted to wax her.
As I stared at the piece of wax now laying on the floor covered in pubic hair, skin and labia I told Renee it would probably be best if we went every other one... like taking turns. She agreed and I quickly splattered the liquid acid on her vagina! She screamed and began to back away from me. I tried to grab for her hand but she was already bent forward covering herself with her hand. Unfortunately for her she had bent forward while the wax was still wet and she had now adhered her thigh/stomach skin to the quickly drying wax on her vagina. She was frantic screaming my name and begging me... which as sick as I am was slightly arousing. I explained that I now had to pull it off.
I grabbed onto the tiny corner of the hardened wax that had now attached her vagina to her legs and belly and pulled hard ripping out the hair and breaking off the wax. She did what anyone dating ME would do...got angry and quickly slapped more smoking hot wax on my vagina... this war continued until we were so burned and covered in wax that we could do nothing more then lay on our kitchen floor wearing nothing but t-shirts, tube socks and large sections of dry wax. We discussed ways of getting the wax off of our baby makers without having to pull it off.
I came up with the perfect solution. We should just shower with super hot water, thinking it would heat up the wax enough to release it form our engorged vaginas. It sounded like a good idea...right? As we burned ourselves in the shower it became obvious that the wax was basically cement... once hardened fucking forget it. I ended up shaving the majority of the wax off of both of our vaginas. 3 razor heads later we were free!
So why did I decide to do it again this summer? Who knows? But deciding to grow out my pubic hair weeks in advance was just plain CRAZY. After two weeks I didn't even recognize my vagina. All I needed was a plate in my lip or flies on my face and I would have been a shoe in to be on the cover of the National Geographic Magazine. Stay tuned for the dramatic outcome! P.s. masturbation is kinda weird these days... It’s like being with a different woman and Renee is coughing up hairballs!