We woke up to gorgeous weather and my ankle the size of a grapefruit? Renee and I climbed into our flip flops and were out wandering the town in no time. We stumbled into one of our favorite eateries in Provincetown only to find a huge table of young annoying lesbos that we commonly refer to as "baby dykes." The baby dykes were drinking bud light and PBR at a ripe 10am all while matching their bandannas and/or skinny hairbands to their tshirt and board shorts. We decided to sit by the window and watch the mysterious lesbots perform. They yelled dreadful things like "smell my finger" and "I'm not used to holes this small" hardy har har!!! So original so funny so... gay. Finally after finishing their piss warm beers and fighting over the check they left their poor waitress 2 bucks, one in change, and people wonder why we get a bad name?? Really?? We leave change??
We enjoy our coffees and then stroll around, well I stroll but Renee fell 3x in her flip flops, the last time the fucker broke right off her foot... (Oh by the way I am the drinker out of the two of us) After walking for miles we both feel the urge to pee and might wet our pants immediately.. so we make a b line into a dark alley where we find a bathroom of sorts. The door was rusty at the hinges and the handle was moist. The picture on the door was of a man in a dress?? What does that mean?? We walked in to find the most horrendous bathroom stall ever with both a urinal and toilet (each had toilet paper strewn inside yet no urinal cake?) while I tried to balance peeing I studied my surroundings to discover that this was truly a unisex bathroom because right next to the box on the wall containing tampons was a box that you could purchase condoms out of for like fifty cents! When I finished peeing I opted to drip dry as opposed to touching the toilet paper dispenser that had a brown smear on it. Renee gladly snapped my photo (see inset)with the wall boxes while silently praying her shoes stay on and she doesnt fall in here!!
Out into the sunshine to dry my vag and meet up with more friends and the laughs either got better or we got drunker?!
Its decided on a whim that we are going to go see the sunset on a sand dune tour. We meet at the location at 620pm where find our tour guide "Barb" and her 1986 Chevy Suburban. Renee and I luck out because we get ride three deep in the front (bench)seat with Barb!! Wuuu hooo!!!! Now for those of you who don't know about sand dunes its a pretty bumpy ride and for those of you who don't know about middle aged lesbian women named "Barb" they are overweight with jiggly boobs and soft thighs... so picture it..us three deep (me in the middle) riding out to the sunset and bouncing around so violently that I actually have to brace myself on Barb's fucking baby soft hairy leg...... I just threw up in my mouth?!? Oh and I paid for this treat?? (see photo)
After sunset we went to what could only be described as a Thai Disco Restaurant equipped with Black lights, heavy bass, stiff drinks, sluts and our waiter spilling a thousand tiny chopped peanuts into our friends drinks! (fingers crossed they don't have a nut allergy!) Maybe the salt will help absorb some of the alcohol? As our poor friend chokes down her gin & peanut cocktail... (I mean if you have to have nuts you might as well be drunk or at least choke on them right?) we play a game of "snapping" straws... and win free shit?? So bizarre? Shockingly our friend finished her drink but I guess after three quarts of gin you could really down anything right! LOL!!!
Day 2 ended with us standing in lines and not going in anywhere until the three of us Renee, my bowling ball sized ankle and I climbing into bed... we couldn't even watch television because my ankle obstructed our view of the tv... fucking venom...
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