I knew the weekend would be kicking off great on Friday with me meeting up with my old work partner and friends from out of state, but what I didn't know is how Friday night would end!
I met up with him at a new spot downtown for the first time in months. He had been to this bar that served Spanish food and he swore by the ambiance. I arrived to find that not only did they cook Mexican food they kept the temperature in the bar at 104 degrees similar to eating in Guadalajara!! Some ambiance?! I guess if your into sweaty brows,lips, wet armpits and the occasional whiff of B.O. (PUKE)
We quickly downed a few mojitos as we discussed the years events which led to my first mistake...letting him decide that we should do a shot. He decided on Cafe Patron..(now the last time we drank Cafe Patron we ended up in Atlantic City, covered in vomit, sleeping in a motel that had no lock on the door, cigarette burns on the bare mattress and a toilet seat in the bathroom covered in blood ((that in my sick/drunkenness I sat on)) needless to say we have avoided the brown stuff for the past 3 years!!
Down the hatch!!! More friends arrive and we move outside to continue drinking (they were smart and got food) Stories were now flowing almost as fast as the alcohol!!
We switched locations to continue on this debauchery tour and (still feeling fine) arrived at the next bar only to be confronted with yet another round of Cafe Patron... the rest of this story is summary from my friends and my girlfriend who witnessed the impressive end to my evening.
Spit begins to fill my mouth as I stand at the bar.. hmm that patron is coming back to visit.. I make a b-line to the bathroom (forgetting to shut the stall door)where my friend observes that my shoes are now FACING the toilet (never good). So she stood watching me salivate over strangers pubes and skid marks until the sensation passed... back to the bar!
Its like I have a faucet for a mouth? Back to my lucky stall for some more bulimic routines! This time my friend from out of state came with me and was helpful enough to take the above photo and stop me just before I touched the horrendous public toilet seat!!
My girlfriend arrived straight from work and I decided it would be best to climb into the backseat of her car, but the quick witted woman locked me out of her vehicle! Shit... too wasted to understand how the locking mechanism works (its just a fucking button?!) I decide to fall asleep with my face smashed into the rear passenger window!
Driving arrangements were made and my girls must have drawn the shortest straw because those two lucky ladies got to drive him home! Somewhere along the way the driver thought it would best to listen to "drunk man" (instead of the GPS) and gets off the wrong exit, quickly followed up by him vomiting all over his shoes!! Once close to his residence the girls (who are terrified of his wife) decide that they are going to barely pull into his driveway and run to the safety of 3rd friends car! As they burn out.. (faint headlights disappearing in driveway) they discuss whether or not he was awake when they left him and why the fuck they decided to listen to him instead of the GPS!!!
Meanwhile I vomited 5x (which equals about 13 gallons of liquid)on our ride home which my girl so nicely videotaped on her cell phone!!!! And in addition smashed my face on on the center console on the last hard left turn on our way home.. which Renee (who was cracking up) really wished she got on tape!!!!!
Thank god for good friends, good booze and DESIGNATED DRIVERS!!!!
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