Road Trip!

Sometimes we have to travel for my job so when my partner Detective Hollie asked me to accompany her to a special "home for children" in Great Barring ton Massachusetts I didn't hesitate to assist her.
As we climbed in our piece of shit work Chevy (held together with bubblegum and duct tape) I realized that my door would not fully close and so decided it was best to lock it to prevent falling out. We gun it up on the highway where the transmission immediately slips and we both brace ourselves.
As the ride went on we had several filthy discussions and then the usual religion v.s. being a homosexual basically because Hollie is religious and I am a homo. After over an hour of driving my kidneys were about to fail and we were hungry. Hollie informed me that "she knows the area" because she grew up here? Ok...
We pull off the highway in some hick town and I immediately feel my vag tighten from stress.. I know what happens to my kind here.. Hollie attempts to reassure me as we walk into a diner of sorts. The place has tile floor, wood rafters, a homemade sign reading CASH ONLY and a shitload of spooky locals. I swear to god the record skipped when we walked in.
Hollie made a b line for the first available booth while I stood trying to conquer my fight or flight response. The waitress, a pretty girl with a strong accent (obviously a mail order bride) approaches and I quickly feel the pain of my kidney's need a bathroom.. She directs me through the long dining room to a small meatbox next to the kitchen.. As I head toward the commode I hear her ask Hollie if we are eating here or taking it to go.. She politely says "For here!" UGH....
As I get closer to the meatlocker bathroom/kitchen the tile floor becomes extremely slippery with grease and possibly Vaseline (or some other clear lube)?? I avoid eye contact with the cook who is staring at my faux hawk and stirring some god awful concoction. Without pausing to take a look into the meatlocker bathroom I go in and close the hollow door. The lock is broken. (Not that you couldn't just snap the paper mache door in two?) The bathroom has a wall of mirrors (like a shattered one) a yellow carpet, shit covered plunger and a trash bin with a tampon protruding... Excellent.. and to make matters worse I have no time to make a nest so I just plop my poor bare thighs down on the filthy toilet seat.. The fluid pours out of my vagina at a velocity so violent that I think I took off some of the hard water stains in the bowl!! Ahhh relief.. I scan the room and locate a sheet of toilet paper, thank god! Wipe, stand, pull up pants turn and try to flush... NOTHING! The flusher had like no resistance and the water didn't even ripple... Now because my pee is basically clear I debated about fishing out the one sheet of toilet paper and just pretending nothing had happened?? My better judgement told me just to walk away. I exit the room to find the cook staring at me smiling a toothless smile.. he has a beard and is actually wearing a fucking bloody apron?? WHERE AM I??
I quickly find my seat. Food comes.. we start devouring it as quick as possible to make our escape when a man in a tricolor sombrero enters and nobody is even remotely intrigued. This has to be the oddest town I have ever been in. We finish eating and I bolt to the register/cutting board to pay while Hollie snaps a picture of sombrero man (see photo with me paying in background!)
Back on the road again Hollie starts telling me tales of the area and how she got her license at that diner?? She is so carried away texting while driving that she doesn't see tha we are now heading straight for oncoming traffic! I suggest she pay attention... we drive a few more miles before she pulls into a fucking truckstop in the middle of the woods?! Who's up for being raped and pillaged?? Of course there is a truck here, with a man standing outside taking a piss or playing with himself who I am staring at as she texts like a mad woman. I ask if we could possibly go to another location because the man has now spotted us, stopped peeing and I believe he started putting a condom on! Hollie finally sees him and we peel out!! SAFE...for now...
Road after road and woods after woods we arrive at what I thought was a closed mental hospital with children standing outside (obviously over medicated.) We park and the second the car is turned off I hear violent screaming. A large angry child is having a mental break and is being restrained by two grown men, who appear to be losing the battle which is all happening on the front porch. The girl spots me and immediately starts spitting in our direction and yelling "I am gonna kill you, you white bitch!!" Well that was comforting.. like being back in New Haven!
We talk briefly with what appears to be a pedophile therapist (who constantly flips his hair?) and our loon of a kid who plays with scissors and talks about dead birds before we made our escape.. and people say I' crazy!!
The hospital must have sparked some memories for Hollie who entertained me on the ride home with stories about and I quote "you know like when you kill your dog?" Sorry.. whats that.. in between giggles she tells me how when she bought her new house and her old dog kept pooping and peeing everywhere so she went out and bought sleeping pills and then hand fed the dog the entire box of Unisom.. put him on his bed in front of the fire and told him what a good dog he had been and went off to bed. She expected to find his little corpse in the morning but HE SURVIVED!!! And was extremely well rested!!! WHAT A FUCKING RIDE!!!!