Vagina Floss

A friend of mine works at a well known bakery in the City of New Haven and recently shared an amazing story that happened to her with me. I could not resist but pass it along.
After a long day serving, coffee, muffins etc.. the line is finally winding down. My friend, "Judy", serves the last couple of patrons including a nicely dressed business woman with a briefcase on wheels. The woman orders a strong cup of java and possibly a muffin and then disappears to consume her purchases. "Judy" finishes up her daily routines as the patrons digest and begin to leave one by one.
Part of Judy's routines includes cleaning up/replenishing the ladies room, which is a single person bathroom. Judy walks over to the bathroom and pushes the door wide open surprising the business woman inside. The business woman is shocked by the intrusion (even though she failed to LOCK THE DOOR!!) She is standing in front of the sink with her skirt, pantyhose and underpants around her ankles, topless with a long sheet of paper towel between her legs making a motion that Judy could only describe as "flossing her vagina." Judy said excuse me and shut the door. She stood silently outside the bathroom pondering what she had just walked in on.
Moments later the business woman exited the bathroom at a quick pace, avoiding eye contact and dragging her little wheelie suitcase behind her!
Judy quickly returned to the bathroom to find it in complete shambles and worst of all.. that woman had left the filthy, used, sticky, hot, wet paper towel ON TOP OF THE TRASH CAN???
Couple of questions here... 1. Why the fuck do you take your shirt off to wash your snatch? 2. Of all things who lets their underpants/skirt etc touch a public bathroom floor? Your already topless just take that shit off! 3. I have been washing my own vagina for 31 years and I have never used the "floss" technique. Either this woman knows something I don't or there was more going on in that bathroom then we will ever know! (p.s. she was not wearing a mask with a zipper for a mouth) 4. Knowing that someone actually saw you using the paper towel on your lady parts maybe, just maybe, put it INSIDE THE GARBAGE CAN! And last but not least... LOCK THE FUCKING DOOR if your going to get all bajiggity with yourself at a bakery!

BiKrAm YoGa (let's get wet!)

So after a couple of months a friend finally talked me into trying Bikram Yoga. For those of you who don't know or care this is basically doing Yoga in a fucking oven.
The class room is heated to over 100 degrees and you are surrounded by mirrors, which would be great to check out your partially nude classmates if your eyes weren't burned shut from all the sweat pouring into them!
I convince my girlfriend to go with me. We arrive early as recommended and are now locked in the basement of a building which doubles as the oven. The studio finally opens we enter, fill out the required paper work and are basically told to get naked?! I like this place already!! While stripping off my clothes I notice that a man has walked in with a semi erect penis in light blue shorts and bigger breasts then me. The panic sets in... please god DO NOT let him be next to me!!! I mean I love breasts.. but not like that!!
We sit practically nude on leather chairs (which my thighs/ass stick to) make small talk with the other nudes and once the majority of people arrive we are lead into the oven.
The door opens and the smell of shoes and burned flesh fills my nostrils as I collapse onto my rented mat. I am so distracted by the fact that I am using a nasty rented yaga mat that I don't take time to locate the nearest exit. The poses begin! Basically I am in a porno. Lots of bare skin, breathing, stretching, sweating and of course vaginas. I think I have found my new niche!
The sweatier I get the nastier my mat and towel are to lay down on. One would think that I would have brought a clean towel to do yoga on in public but no.. where is the fun in that.. my sweaty body is now covered in my dogs hair which basically makes me appear to have extremely long pubic hairs all over my legs/belly and where ever else has touched the towel. I give a whole new meaning to the word HOT! I should probably add that I have cuts on both of my knees so I am wearing band aids and we all know how well those stick once they are completely saturated in sweat and blood. To sum it up I looked like a crack whore, which I might as well have been after all the fluids that were exchanged on that rented mat!!
It finally ended after an hour and 1/2. I exited the oven with soaking wet underpants and sports bra, which I was forced to drive home in for 20 minutes. I will probably get a yeast infection from sitting in wetness for that long but I am sure the white chunky yeast material that will pour out of my vag will only add to my yoga experience... esp since during several poses my face is mere inches from my vagina opening!

Truth Serum

Nothing beats a happy hour with a group of friends followed by a concert and more beer except the stories that the vicious truth serum known as alcohol illicit!
While consuming copious amounts of my favorite beverage with friends we discuss everything from giving ugly people oral sex to the most embarrassing moments of our lives. Lucky for us older peeps those years are FAR behind us!!
I wanted to share my two favorite stories from yesterday, obviously with holding the names of participants to secure their anonymity... that is until YOU join us for happy hour!
The first story involved a friend of mine who was in a relationship in college. Due to the fact that winter break was approaching and she would be separated from her boyfriend for about a month and half she decided to "give him something to remember her." This gift came in the form of a blow job. While in his dorm room waiting for his parents to arrive from out of state(and we all know how the feeling of pressure can add to these moments) she was giving it her all... so to speak. Picture lots of spit, hand and mouth action and we are gonna include possibly having an item of her clothing removed for good measure! Well as the act was coming to a head without warning his bedroom door slams open and his dad appeared in the threshold! Quickly my friend backed or crawled away from boyfriend and tried to act natural as he zipped up his fly and yelled at his dad for not knocking. The seconds turned into minutes and while trying to escape the situation she caught a glimpse of herself in the mirror. She focused on her bright red lips and wet chin. Her stare into the mirror was broken by her boyfriend introducing her to his father. The father, being polite extended his right hand to shake hers which is when she realized that her right hand was completely saturated in spit. She quickly pulled back her right hand and gave him her left hand making this worlds most awkward handshake/moment of her life... SO FAR!! LOL
The runner up story was about another couple in college. Similar situation, boy is moving back out of state, girl is devastated and helping him back up his belongings. Almost everything is packed when his mother arrived except his bed. His mother, trying to be helpful made her way to the bed and began to remove the blanket/sheets etc... That is was when my friend came to the horrifying realization that the amazing going away sex they had the night before had left a huge period blood stain on his sheets!! She grabbed his hand as her eyes bulged out of her head and simulated the crime scene his mother was about to uncover! Running from the doorway he lunged into the air landing on the bed and ripping all blankets into the center!! Like he was gonna wash those sheets when he got home?! LOL