Early in the week we were off to sight see (which means raped/pillaged in Turkish) we head to all the "hot spots" that Turkey had to offer. Renee, my tour guide/organizer/girlfriend, had an itinerary for us to follow, which of course included hitting EVERY bathroom in Istanbul.
My personal favorite was the bathroom where we paid fifty cents for A piece of toilet paper and descended into I guess the actual sewage pipes of olden day Turkey? There was a line, it was dark/damp/stunk and we were the only Americans waiting to use this particular bathroom (wish I had a scarf to protect my face!), which should have been our first clue. Once it was my turn I opened my stall and discovered that someone must have stolen my fucking toilet because there was just a hole in the ground with ceramic (I presume the missing toilet's base) around it? While figuring out how to pee, everyone else's pee on the floor was sopped up by the bottom of my jeans. I pulled a muscle as I squatted over the "toilet" and of course bracing myself on the filthy walls ruined my ONE SHEET of toilet paper...I could hear Renee laughing from outside the door as I said my first Islamic prayer..or at least all Islamic! LOL
We were cut in line and collected foot diseases at the blue mosque, totally in awe of the cistern and thirsty as all hell when we arrived for actual belly dancers at dinner.
The only thing that topped our site seeing adventure was collecting our luggage to board our cruise ship and as we stood chatting with strangers I realized that one of our bags was vibrating? I thought that's weird I thought our phones were in Renee's purse... then it hits me that ITS OUR FUCKING VIBRATOR INSIDE THE BAG!!!!! LOL!!!! I was laughing so hard as I tried to nonchalantly turn off the vibrator while Renee tried to distract our audience!!!!! This shit only happens to us! And thank god I packed extra batteries!!!
To be continued...
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