Lets talk Turkey

This vacation/mission in life begin with several horrific experiences at JFK airport.
We hop on the air train to get to our gate only to find that our terminal was closed so we had to hike three miles, outside with 5 bags to get to the bag check line.

After checking our bags I raced to the bathroom (last time at JFK I had to pee outside). Waited in line and as I hoovered over the pot.. I heard the quick pace of footsteps and a snip it of a quick coversation followed by my door jiggling from the stall door next to it being slammed?. Whats going on.. I heard the person start peeing and then a break.. followed by a huge heave and chunks splashing into the water. Okay I am outta here. I flush, exit and make the stupid mistake of looking at
"that stall" in the mirror only to see the woman in there bent over puking her brains out with her pants down to her ankles and her bare ass smashed into the cold hard steel of the stall wall!! OMG!!!!

Once on the smallest flight ever to cross the Atlantic we were totally surrounded by Kooks? The man in front of us was obese, we would have it no other way, and when he reached up into the overhead compartment revealing his cheese covered underbelly the smell that escaped caused Renee and I to dry heave. And he constantly "needed" something/anything out of that goddamn compartment! Have a seat tubby your making us sick.

Oh speaking of sick... who the fuck gets explosive diaherrea on a plane?? ME thats who.. violent shit (bats out of a cave) on a flight, in a bathroom 2x3 feet with a mirror so that I can watch my own horrific expressions. I start thinking it can't get any worse than this it did... when the shit flew out of my ass it didnt totally make it into the toilet but actually smeared on the toiolet seat and as luck would have it onto my WHITE T-SHIT.. I mean shirt! At least we didnt have to smell fat ass anymore, we would only be smelling MY ASS. If I wasn't in a totally foreign country I might have been embarrassed but at this point (3hrs into a 10hr flight) I could care less.

Shit stained and sick I crawl back to my seat and explain the doody on my shirt to my girlfriend who gives me the most troubled look. I then take a dose of meds to knock myself out which would have been great if the asshole two rows over didnt have his music so fucking loud... I swear to christ I felt like I was at a rave! I was already sweating and feeling sick all I needed was a bottle of water and glow sticks!

Turkey welcomed us with two twin beds, instead of a king, and bathroom from hell. While Renee went down to the lobby to find out what was up with the beds I went to the bathroom only to be surprised by attempting to flush and getting splashed in the bum by the bidah. WHOOO HOOO...
Renee returned, hotel is packed so we were off to our rectory quarters...I passed out at 3pm Turkey time and woke up at 9am Turkey time... All I need is some Turkish beer and this train wreck has arrived!!!!