This blog is one of the most epic stories I have ever heard from someone who was part of it. As most of you know New England was totally smashed two weeks ago with a f*cking blizzard that dropped over 2 feet of snow in less than 24 hours. Basically the snow was "cumming" down so hard and fast that your face was sopping wet covered in white stuff as you try to some how manage to see through the smattering of snow/goo all over your face.... very similar to being a star in a bukkake porno.
The storm started on a Friday night slow at first...then faster and faster...also similar to a porno..(New England is fucking disgusting!) Well friendly neighbors who live 3 streets away from my mother, that we will call the "Smiths" decided to have a little gathering for dinner...after all everyone lived close and it was only starting to snow. Guests arrived as the snow was picking up and the dinner and drinks began...
as the beverages started to add up people became less and less concerned with all the snow falling and more and more concerned with more booze flowing. After several hours of drinking and eating one of the guests, Mrs. Body, began having severe chest pains...
Well if you can imagine shitfaced hosts frantically try to help as Mrs. Body falls to the floor in their dining room... FUCK!!!! She isn't even a close friend just a fucking neighbor!!! "Mr. Smith" frantically calls 911... unaware that over 2 feet of snow has basically closed his town. The dispatcher calmly walks Mr. Smith through several steps and then determines.... ARE YOU READY FOR THIS!!!!!!! That "Mrs. BODY" is fucking dead and this is NO LONGER A MEDICAL EMERGENCY!!!!! Mr. Smith flips his shit and begs for help... get this fucking corpse out of my house (Mrs. Body's bowels have already ruined his dining room rug!!) Dispatch informs Mr. Smith that ambulances can not get to him because the roads have 2 feet of snow and are not plowed.... he is just going to have "sit tight" and wait for the Medical Examiner when the roads get plowed!!!!!!
Other party guests are creeped the fuck out.. I mean who literally means "your not leaving over my dead body?" These fucks were out of there... Wasted and shocked by the snow all party guests immediately left the Smith's and....Mrs. Body...dare I say for dead...
The Smiths were in a panic... I mean seriously what the fuck do you do with a dead body, in a blizzard, that has pissed and shit itself AND ISN'T EVEN RELATED TO YOU... Mr. Smith says fuck it to his wife... I am just gonna put her outside I can't have a fucking body laying here all weekend! But quickly realizes that his neighbors have two cats and that Mrs. Body would probably be munched on for days leaving him with the only realistic solution...esp when you have kids... you sit her ass up in a chair head down with her thumb up and tell the kids she is just playing a VERY LONG GAME OF SEVEN UP!
Sunday finally arrived and the Medical Examiners office/assistants came to get the rotting corpse...but before removing her whispered "Seven's Up, Head's Up."
LOL!!! The Smith's were DEAD wrong to have a dinner party during a blizzard!
The storm started on a Friday night slow at first...then faster and faster...also similar to a porno..(New England is fucking disgusting!) Well friendly neighbors who live 3 streets away from my mother, that we will call the "Smiths" decided to have a little gathering for dinner...after all everyone lived close and it was only starting to snow. Guests arrived as the snow was picking up and the dinner and drinks began... 
as the beverages started to add up people became less and less concerned with all the snow falling and more and more concerned with more booze flowing. After several hours of drinking and eating one of the guests, Mrs. Body, began having severe chest pains...
Well if you can imagine shitfaced hosts frantically try to help as Mrs. Body falls to the floor in their dining room... FUCK!!!! She isn't even a close friend just a fucking neighbor!!! "Mr. Smith" frantically calls 911... unaware that over 2 feet of snow has basically closed his town. The dispatcher calmly walks Mr. Smith through several steps and then determines.... ARE YOU READY FOR THIS!!!!!!! That "Mrs. BODY" is fucking dead and this is NO LONGER A MEDICAL EMERGENCY!!!!! Mr. Smith flips his shit and begs for help... get this fucking corpse out of my house (Mrs. Body's bowels have already ruined his dining room rug!!) Dispatch informs Mr. Smith that ambulances can not get to him because the roads have 2 feet of snow and are not plowed.... he is just going to have "sit tight" and wait for the Medical Examiner when the roads get plowed!!!!!! 
Other party guests are creeped the fuck out.. I mean who literally means "your not leaving over my dead body?" These fucks were out of there... Wasted and shocked by the snow all party guests immediately left the Smith's and....Mrs. Body...dare I say for dead...
The Smiths were in a panic... I mean seriously what the fuck do you do with a dead body, in a blizzard, that has pissed and shit itself AND ISN'T EVEN RELATED TO YOU... Mr. Smith says fuck it to his wife... I am just gonna put her outside I can't have a fucking body laying here all weekend! But quickly realizes that his neighbors have two cats and that Mrs. Body would probably be munched on for days leaving him with the only realistic solution...esp when you have kids... you sit her ass up in a chair head down with her thumb up and tell the kids she is just playing a VERY LONG GAME OF SEVEN UP!
Sunday finally arrived and the Medical Examiners office/assistants came to get the rotting corpse...but before removing her whispered "Seven's Up, Head's Up." 
LOL!!! The Smith's were DEAD wrong to have a dinner party during a blizzard!
No comments:
Post a Comment