Some schools are more likely to allow students to "find themselves" and even nurture this behavior so as to make a person truly comfortable being themselves. Now the only thing my College did for me was teach me to chug pitchers of cheap beer with quarters in them, watch "anal chugs" and vomit on a saw dust covered bar floors but I guess when comparing my school to my wife's we could just say that... mine was less than a parent would hope for!
My wife's college was different and so were the students. However, one person in particular stands out. This girl was amazing, we will call her Faye. Faye never attended class but remained in school. She wandered the halls aimlessly and drunk, hair all greasy and in her eyes, ciggy (with a huge ash) dangling from her lips, tank top stained with no bra and a handle of vodka clutched in her right hand (even though drinking was prohibited rules did not apply to her.)
My wife remembered being obsessed and terrified of Faye...how did she break all these rules and never get in trouble? Did she really have a best friend/sidekick whose name was candy spelled with an "i" rumored to be named after a trailer park? Amazed she and all the other women in the dorm would watch Faye in disbelief and awe until the day of the incident, which would make Faye a true legend.
Now everyone knows that women shitting is not a popular topic, but lets face the facts people we all have assholes and shit does come out of ladies too, however, not as large as this usually.... So one day my wife sees there was a gathering of ladies in the bathroom. Elle goes into find that everyone was all upset because the toilet was plugged with the most ginormous piece of shit that has ever fallen from a human asshole. The shit was so big and strong that the toilet water at full speed didn't even move beast from its final resting place.
Well the girls didn't know what to do!? There is this huge shit in the toilet and of course no one is admitting to it because that would mean their asshole was the size of a hubcap so they just stood there in disbelief..... UNTIL THAT IS... FAYE WALKED IN. The girls silently moved out of her way, so as not to get burned with the ciggy or hit with the vodka bottle as she sauntered drunkenly past only to stop and peer into the stall. Staring down on that enormous piece of shit she took a long hard drag of her cigarette, nodded and walked back out of the bathroom silent. WTF does that mean?? Was she claiming the shit? Was she impressed? Was she too horrified? NOOOO.... She returned moments later with a butter knife (the real dull kind) in her other hand.
The girls quickly moved out of Faye's way because the look in her barely visible eyes meant business...LITERALLY... She took another drag of her cigarette before handing the bottle of vodka to one of the terrified onlookers and then with speed like lightening she reached into the toilet and began shredding the shit out of the.... SHIT!!!! She was cutting that piece of crap up like it was her job!! Into slices the size of a Ritz crackers!! Hacking away water splashing here there and everywhere until the enormous piece of shit was just a diced up pile of poker chips. She stood back and looked down at her work, satisfied that NOW the toilet would flush. FLUSH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As the water swirled and the toilet swallowed the pieces of shit chips like a kid dumping quarters into a arcade game only leaving ONE skid mark....as proof that there had been an epic deuce in this toilet; Faye turned to the crowd of ladies, wet shit covered butter knife still in hand, dripping shit water, grabbed her bottle of vodka from girl and walked out of the bathroom without saying a word... I should also mention that she took the poop knife with her. Now I have seen a lot stuff in college but this was an all girls college and all I can say is Faye, wherever you are... I LOVE THE SHIT OUT OF YOU!!!!
