Vomication Urination!!! SUMMER FUN

Its always an adventure to travel with family esp. when you end up in cabins from the 30's and absolutely no privacy. This past vacation was amazing, well at least for me... maybe not for my fiance. After driving for hours we arrive at camp and unload our two items bedding/clothing (packed in plastic kohls bags)and walk down to find our cabin with my mom passed out on the front porch.

Nothing says WELCOME like a oodles of noodles hair, no bra and a pair of pj bottoms covering part of your face?! Ahh Mom... good to see you too! As we put our stuff away she explained how she had been having a hot flash and had dragged a mattress out on to the front porch to get some fresh air. LOL of course you did... the neighbors love full moons! We find "our" bedroom and push the two twin beds together for "sexy time" which we had not realized would never happen on this trip. You see the cabins were built before the concept of seperate rooms. Although it appeared as thought the rooms were seperated by a wall the walls did not reach the ceiling.. they were more of um.. a wood panel screen... beautiful just beautiful. Before going out for a night on the town I decide to shower. I strip down and bolt to the bathroom, which has a lovely window so you can hear everyone outside and if in the right position could possibly be seen... thank god I had been going to the gym. This is where the first adventure begins. Standing in front of the "shower" I note the floor mat which is like cut in half to remove the center part for the drain? The purple plastic curtain, surely pure of pubes and scum is stuck to the shower stall, which would more properly be described as a standup coffin. One of the water knobs is actually fucking rusted in the "off" position so lucky the left knob turned. I stepped into the water casket, BAREFOOT (cause who the fuck wears shower thongs really) when the ice cold water shooting out of pipe (no shower head) like speeding bullets penetrates my skin and rips off my left nipple. FUCK this shit hurts I attempt to manuvare out of the spray similiar to a nail gun when I realize the bath mat was partially upside down and the suction cups were actually attached to my barefeet. I was trapped!!! Each time I would free one foot from the cement shoe of a mat the other one was attached... as I finally broke free from the mat, and the acid water had ripped all the skin off my back, the purple curtain wrapped around my naked body like a sarong and finally I was free from the fucking death trap shower. Elle had similar issues in the shower but managed to look amazing as I was bleeding from the back, one nipple and wearing a purple surong. Out we go!! The bar was a great break from nature and as we sipped our beers more and more of my cousins arrived to join in the festivities and what would be come an epic night. After a few rounds of shots (no food) and amazing stories we decided to call it a night and head back to the woods. Elle had complained of stomach issues but I just figured she was probably hungry? I also had caught wind of an empty cabin and my drunken mind immediately turned to filthy thoughts.... cause there is nothing hotter then a drunk, one nipple bloody back girlfriend!! As we park the car I quickly usher her away from the family and into the darkness! She was not surprised basically because I ONLY think with my vulva/vagina. We get to the cabin and she tells me she is feeling a little better, which basically means "GO TIME" and as romantic as it was to lay down on a filthy plastic mattress (no sheet) with some sort of stain and we began what would be the most memorable night of our camping experience. As we were making out (maybe for 3 minutes) Elle yelled "GET OFF OF ME!!!! I'M GONNA BE SICK" which really makes your heart flutter when heard from your fiance. She bolts to the bathroom as I sit on the sticky plastic mattress waiting for whatever was going to happen. All of sudden I hear the vomit violently spewing from her tiny body and did what any amazing girlfriend would do... went in the bathroom to watch! I walked in to find my tiny lady squatting in front of the toilet vomiting up actual hot dogs and some sort of chili?! She was heaving so hard that her stomach appeared to touch her spinal cord before releasing the violent chunks... but it got better!!! See Elle initially thought that she was going to shit her brains out so she went into the bathroom, pulled down her pants and sat on the toilet before realizing this was going to go in a completely different direction! She quickly spun on her heels and heaved into the toilet, WITH HER PANTS STILL DOWN TO HER ANKLES! As she heaves out all sorts of carnival food, with each violent spew piss is shooting out of her vajay onto the floor!!!! I was in shock! I didn't know whether to rub her back, take a picture OR pull up her pants... so I just flushed the hot dog and chili mixture and rubbed her back. When she finally caught her breath and realized that she had pissed on the floor she was so sick she just shrugged and walked out leaving me with the puddle. As I sopped up the urine with the two remaining strips of toilet paper I thought.... Yes, this is exactly the woman I want to spend my life with... and then debated about chucking the urine saturated toilet paper at her!!! LOVE LOVE LOVE YOU ELLE!!!!